What to Expect from the 2nd Half of Life

Already more than half a century in this life has past for me: I’m at the end of my 51^st year. It gets me wondering about what it means to grow old. What is it like?

Part of me already feels like an old woman. I cannot keep up with fashion and don’t honestly care anymore if what I wear is last years trend or even longer gone. I’ve lost track of modern music, most of it sounds the same to me anyway. I find it annoying and have a hard time calling it music. I do not know the names of top-stars, in fact they all seem meaningless compared to the ones I remember and are slowly departing from life. Almost every week some hero, who seemed immortal when I was young, passes away, simply because of old age. And then there is my body, which stops me many times, although I really want to keep going. Parts of it never seem to stop aching anymore. And the closeness of a bathroom becomes increasingly important.

Another part of me still feels like a little girl. I am still vulnerable, still have foolish fears I cannot overcome, still too many unanswered questions in my mind and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. I still need a shoulder to cry on, often need someone to show me the way and still do not always know what’s right and what’s wrong. I enjoy being silly and irresponsible sometimes and hope someone bigger than me will come and fix it when things go wrong.

So, what’s growing old all about? Where is the wisdom that was supposed to come with all the experience; where the thick skin I was supposed to grow after all of lifes beatings? Where is the calm confidence, with which I was supposed to show future generations the direction and teach them good from bad; where the tranquility that would finally allow me to accept life as it is?

I guess I still have a long way to go. Here’s to a great second half!